Appreciating Mortality

Hawkeye 25K April 11, 2015

Appreciation can mean a lot of things, Some thing can "appreciate" by increasing in value. Similarly, a person can "appreciate," or value, some thing, or "appreciate", or recognize, the value or significance of some thing.

I ran my first trail race of the season, the Hawkeye 25K, in Solon, Iowa. It was a great course. The first 5 miles consisted of a wide gravel path along the shore of Lake McBride. It was pretty and I focused on listening and breathing the cool air. After crossing a dike, runners stepped through rock rapids. That was exciting! The trail continued in the woods, on soft dirt and leaves up and down and all around. I enjoyed it very much, and again focused on the sounds of the woods, the chirping of birds and frogs, the sounds of the lake. I was happy to focus on my breathing to control the ascents as well. I felt strong, pulling the air into my lungs and envisioning it spreading to my muscles, giving my blood and muscles oxygen and preventing cramps. The final four or so miles was on the paved road, up a few long hills. I felt good, and appreciative of my lungs, my legs. I thought about striking the ground on my forefoot, of keeping my turnover going, and breathing deeply with each strike. I felt strong, passing many other runners (to be fair, some probably were 50K runners!).

I am appreciative that my body works. I appreciate that friends and colleagues also enjoy running. I appreciate the volunteers and wider circle of runners who make these events happen. I appreciate nature, and those who care for it.

To appreciate my body and what it can do, I appreciate mortality. Not that I am grateful for mortality, but I recognize its constant presence. Every day I am older, as are family members and friends. Every day, my body ages a little more (depreciates?)--and at the same time, I still do a lot-- and so do so many others, much older than me.

I've been struck reading Being Mortal recently, and reflecting upon a desire to be appreciated. Gawande writes about how important purpose is to make living living--even if one is dying. I'm not (actively) dying, I have purpose and meaning (we create our own) in my life--much of that is from my work, from teaching, from writing. But often my students, young as they are, don't yet recognize mortality, appreciate the gift of education, the brevity and privilege of college, of vitality. Who does appreciate transient moments? Animals, to be sure, and the elderly, and those close to death. Gawande writes about that inverse dynamic. It's not necessarily being older or being wiser or more experienced so much as recognizing-- appreciating the mortality and transitory nature of nature.

So many writers and artists have reflected on this subject, a silly running blog can't do justice to it (Ecclesiastes, Thoreau, Solnit; Pieter Claesz, Nicholas Poussin, Andy Goldsworthy...).

Running though, and especially running in nature, enhancing mindfulness, reminds me of my mortality, in a very positive way.

2015: Inspirations and Goals

It's been a long time since the last post...three months. In that time, I've had some amazing experiences running and with animals that have shaped what I want to focus on in the coming year.

In November, Steve and I drove almost 3000 miles round-trip to Kanab, Utah and the Grand Canyon (north and south rims). It was a wonderful, scenic, and educational trip. Some of the best experiences we had were running trails along the red rocks in Kanab, and hiking the trails at the Grand Canyon.

Squaw Trail, looking at the summit around 8 a.m. Kanab, UT

On Bright Angel Trail, Grand Canyon South Rim

We were in Kanab specifically to volunteer at Best Friends Animal Sancuary. It was amazing. The sanctuary is the largest no-kill sanctuary in the U.S. and it is beautiful. We volunteered the first day at Cat World, and then we each did a shift at Dog Town and Wild Friends. The shift at cat world was incredible, awesome, inspiring, educational... we played with cats in Quincy House, a house that is dedicated to special needs cats, especially those with FIV, FELV, and manx syndrome. Many of the manx syndrome cats have deformed hind legs, or cannot use their hind legs, and/or are incontinent. Needless to say, these are the animals that are euthanized elsewhere. Hence most people (like us!) have no idea. And yet each one has his/her own personality, to be sure!! We played with them and walked them...

In addition to running the trails around Kanab, we ran some of the acreage at Best Friends. Running trails with vistas and hills (ascents that sometimes force one to walk!) was challenging, fun, and took my mind away from the habit-forming chains of time and distance that are so often how I think about my running.

So, for 2015, I have running goals that derive from these western experiences. Some are mental goals; some are physical. As we know, the two are linked... (mens sana in corpore sano)

1. Run more trails.
2. Be okay with getting lost. (See for example, Rebecca Solnit's Field Guide to Getting Lost...)
3. Be mindful. Breathe. Enjoy the scenery. Enjoy being. Enjoy the moment. (see earlier blogs on running with the mind of meditation...)
4. Run more trails in Cedar Falls/Waterloo. Especially along the creek to Hudson. Explore.
5. Complete at least three trail races in the midwest: Mines of Spain (8/8), Surly Loppet (9/26), and...?
6. Complete a race in the West...preferably in Utah,....preferably a trail race....
7. Continue to practice yoga, pilates, and build general strength.
8. Share it. Expand the community. For others' mental and physical well-being, including animals.

Over the last two years I have benefited enormously from an ever-growing running community (FASTR friends, marathon running friends, trail running advocates...). My running has become much more communal, external, and more rewarding internally for me as a result. I am so very, very grateful for all the support of my friends and family, particularly for your support of the causes I've linked to my running.

Here's to sharing health, mindfulness, and love in 2015!!

Post-Marathon Inspiration: Togetherness

2 miles in and smiling

 The Twin Cities Marathon happened, and I finished in 4:19:54. No PR by any means, but more importantly I was delighted, awed, and inspired by two friends and runners who completed their first marathon--together.

Finishing Together

I was also delighted and grateful to be running with my kitty tank and ears, in honor of all those who donated to Cedar Bend Humane Society and Waverly Pet Rescue. I raised over $1000 for both organizations, thanks to the generosity and support of friends, family, and colleagues.

I commented on it many times over the weekend, and I'll write it here too: I am more inspired by first-time runners who set a goal and accomplish it--often exceeding their own expectations--than I am by elite runners. Watching my friends smile through 5+ hours of running fills my heart with love and joy that others are sharing this amazing sport. My heart is filled by the camaraderie that is built by such an event. These two women had met only the night before (at Dangerous Man, of course!) and yet for 26.2 miles they pulled each other along. They talked the entire time, no music necessary. Each had worries and fears, neither had run more than 14 or 20 miles, respectively. And yet they did it. They ran. Together. And loved it.

I could write about being disappointed in my mediocre time (judged against myself) and my frustration with starting too fast, with wanting to PR too much, the sadness of realization and necessary goal-readjustment when pace groups passed me at miles 18 and 20. But how selfish! How antithetical to the purpose of running these events! How disingenuous to the support I received from a whole community of people who helped me help those furry animals who can't help themselves! A marathon is all about togetherness, support, assistance, love, caring. Because it is hard, because it is impossible to accomplish on one's own. We take time from our families, loved ones, jobs etc. just to train--and in the event, we receive the support of so many individuals on the course, and those in our memories and in our hearts. I was strengthened by a friend who ran up the St. Thomas-Summit hill with me, and by knowing where I would see my parents cheering and by knowing how many people supported my running and the cause.

How much better is that than being in one's own head for two or three or four hours? The elation that is knowing it's going to happen, that you can do it is so much more rewarding and motivating than worrying about numbers and splits and breaking (personal) records. What I witnessed with these first-timers is what running is about: Camaraderie, love, gratitude, strength, and assistance; sharing the experience of a challenge that not many individuals take up or accomplish.

I joined them briefly at mile 24. I will always remember seeing them before they saw me. I started screaming their names and telling them they were going to make it, they were going to finish, that it was less distance to the finish than we had run just the day before. I will always remember the smiles I saw break across their faces. They didn't even look tired. My heart was so full it was ready to burst. That's why people cry at marathons--both runners and spectators alike--because there is so much, almost too much, love.

Marathons remind me of a quote from Marguerite Young. I have used it to critique capitalism, but it also demonstrates community love as exemplified in running: "The individual is the one illusion."

Labor Day Cleaning!

I have been looking forward to cleaning today! While we acknowledge the power of worker solidarity today, I am feeling good about doing a deep clean of the house. A full day to vacuum, dust, scrub, and pull carpet!

I realized as I was vacuuming the den that it's not so much that I love cleaning as that I love two things that are cause-effect related to cleaning. I love that brief moment when everything is clean and in order--when it's all done, if for a moment, and I love the events that prompt me to clean.

This actually relates to running--I ran a good 20 miles on Saturday morning. By 10 miles in my shirt and shorts were saturated with sweat. The shower after that long run felt amazing, especially sloughing off the dried salty dirt on my skin. Saunas, hot yoga, exercise generally--it's not just cleaning the dirt and sweat off, it's the cleansing power of sweating itself that makes one feel so good.

Think about it--we all probably enjoy the things that prompt really good cleans. These are the things that are awesome and fun, often events to look forward to or work hard for. I enjoy parties, well-prepared food, house guests, 10 kittens, and good runs not because I know of the imminent cleanse, but because these provide sustained moments that refresh and re-set me. These are phenomena that I not only enjoy but that I love. And each of these phenomena require a good scrub afterwards, which for me, also leads to that brief moment where everything is new, fresh, and re-set again--be it an orderly room or a relaxed body.

What prompted this particular reflection on cleaning was that we returned the foster kittens to the shelter yesterday. Feeling bittersweet about it, I took Azriel, Ike, Zeke, Miri, Debbie, Annie, Zara, Liza, Micah and mama Jessie to CBHS in the morning. Although we enjoyed watching them grow, learn and play, it was good timing that we returned them when we did. They are just shy of 7 weeks old, eating solid food, and they had made a mess of our guest bedroom in spite of my best efforts. Embarrassingly, within the last 30 hours, a few of them also somehow manifested what appeared to be ringworm (ringworm isn't a worm, it's a fungus, and it can be tracked in with dirt, or a person who had it, or whatever; so all our visitors made our kitten room like every single daycare.). The kittens will get cleaned up by the amazing vet techs at CBHS and hopefully find furr-ever homes very, very soon!

Meanwhile, while the kittens are receiving cleansing love, Steve and I pulled carpet and cleaned. Not to eradicate their presence, but to start new for whatever fun, wild, and probably dirty adventure is to come. As an aside, Lil P aka Panther is still with us.

The marathon is less than 5 weeks away! Time to get donating if you've been meaning to'!!!!! Donate here today!   https://sites.google.com/site/runningtorescue/

18 and Counting

No, there aren't 18 kittens in La Casa Sutton/Swanson, nor are we breeding or self-promoting Dugger-style. But Steve did find his second kitten of the season, on campus early this morning while walking Thea. Panther (2) is a healthy little black kitten, about 4-5 weeks old. After some initial fear hisses, she's warmed right up to us and is exploring. She's napping in my lap as I write this.

Panther (2) August 24, 2014

Of course, we still have Jessie and her brood of 9 kittens. They will be 6 weeks on Wednesday, and are busy learning to play and climb mountains and beds and legs. Soon though, they will be up for adoption at Cedar Bend Humane Society.

All this care for little lives has taught us a lot, and one of those lessons has been our own limits and needs. We know we can't keep them all, and really, that our set up will need modifying for any larger number of fosters. We learned our limits of integrated animals (ie those in the house) with Benson this past winter. Three's a crowd, four's two many, five's not allowed! 

This posed a dilemma when we found a kitty while visiting family in Fairfield August 8-9. Near our b&b, we heard mews in the lilies, and a sweet young thing came out for us. We called her Lily, fed her for 24 hours, and worried about her, because we knew we couldn't bring any more cats into the house! Serendipitously, the evening before we were to depart, we met neighbors who were gracious,willing, and kind-hearted enough to agree to care for her until she is old enough to be spayed, and perhaps even find a home for her. They've stayed in touch, and Lily seems to be doing well. My biggest concern was her getting spayed, so as not to continue the problem. Alley Cat Allies is great on TNR education, and just recently a "planned parenthood" for animals clinic, Iowa Humane Alliance, opened in Cedar Rapids. They have very inexpensive spay/neuter services, and will do them on a pay-what-you-can scale, even if you can't pay at all.

Lily, Fairfield August 9, 2014

With this most recent black stray kitten, I reflect on the number of animals' lives saved by fostering and finding homes, just in the last four years. 18, by my count...and only one of those is a true foster-failure for us (ie: we kept her): Gracie. Since 2010, we've fostered a nine-year old papillon dog, Cody, Gracie and Willa (aka Skidmark) in 2011, the original Panther (RIP), found on campus, and Kaylee (aka Kima) in 2013, Benson, and Jessie and the crew this year (2014). I have been humbled and inspired by a volunteer foster mom from Waverly Pet Rescue, who, when we adopted Omar from her, said that her goal was one day to have people wanting a cat and having to be on a wait-list for one because supply was less than demand. The very idea that there might one day not be a pet overpopulation problem blew my mind. That is indeed, a goal that every one of us can work toward.

Indeed, the selflessness of others and the belief that every little bit counts when we work together toward eradicating a problem is why I am collecting donations for Waverly Pet Rescue and Cedar Bend. The marathon is about one month away, and I've raised $552! Donate today to help spay/neuter and save animals' lives!

Many of the lessons I have learned by fostering are translatable to running--really to life generally, but I'll make the link for the purpose of solicitation. Lessons relevant to every being's life can be gleaned from these on-going experiences. Trust is built from shelter, food, and care; adaptability and intelligence is manifest and encouraged by learning, exploring and growing in new environments; grieving, healing, and forgiving take time; and patience is necessary with ourselves, and them. We are each others' guardians and teachers. Throughout, I have been amazed by how adaptive animals--and all of us-- are.

Thea, Jessie, and Babies, August 2014

Thea helps get the kitties socialized and dog-friendly. Max, our 13-year old senior, has always been an ambassador, calm and curious.

Omar, Max, Benson, January 2014

Max, Jessie, and Crew, August 2014

Thanks again for reading, and for your support!! https://sites.google.com/site/runningtorescue/